Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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