I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
