Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
