Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
