I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There are leaves in my underwear?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
