There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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