Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
