shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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