I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
