I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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