Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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