Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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