he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my being single is dangerous.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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