get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
