Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
