"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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