Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
