Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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