HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
