So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
