I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
