I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
