Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
