i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
