I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
