did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
