your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
