he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
