Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
