They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
