is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
