just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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