i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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