I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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