she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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