I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
