My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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