WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
