I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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