i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
