your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
