There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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