He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
