I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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