Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
