mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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