Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
