so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
