Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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