Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
