omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
