Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
