Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
