elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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