I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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