it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
