somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
