Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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