Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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