alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
