just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
