sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
