Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
