you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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