I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
