just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i now understand why vodka
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
