dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
