I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
