yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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