ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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