Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
