When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are two peas in an std pod
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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