I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
