Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
