Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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