So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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