The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
