Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
