6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
