I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
