we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
