is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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