If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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