WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
as a side note pls kill me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
