nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
