I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
