you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
