6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
